WAS THAT A GOOD THING OR WHAT?

I had a little debate within yesterday. I have steadfastly resisted temptation to try out the long arm quilting machine set up in my local quilt shop. They ask me every time if I want to give it a spin because I always head right over there to look it over and gaze longingly at it, examining the practise stitches of others, wondering could I do that? would I do that? would it be worth the investment?    I actually went in to buy a pigma pen to use for labels. The conversation started like this:

"May I help you?"
"Yes, I'm ready to shop for a quilting machine." A tiny part deep inside me recoiled with a faint "Who said that?"

But the rest of me knew that I really am ready! My budget may not be ready, my sewing room may not be ready, but I am ready and that is the first part of making it happen. The first step to calling it in.

When I put my hands to the machine and turned it on, I knew this is it. I am going to do it.  That baby glided in my hands like an extension of me. I've never run a long arm before and I wrote words, I swirled, I feathered, I played and settled into a place I haven't felt part of for a long time.  Somewhere along the way in the last ten years...and I won't bore you with the details of how it happened because I do know how it happened...but somewhere in there I lost the knowing of who I am.  I didn't lose me, I was and always will be me, but I lost knowing the truth of it. I'd accepted a lie about myself. Funny how just taking a step like that can just fill your inner person with healing.

Something spiritual was happening in that shop yesterday. The clerk went to the back and asked the owner to come up. She knew! She pointed out the name I'd written and said "She's ready for a machine." He looked at me. He knew! The three of us spent an hour talking about the machine, about quilting, about money and about how I'd be back.

God will make a way where there seems to be no way.